Place Holder Text
Introduction Early in his life John lived with his parents, a Circus midget and Bearded Lady, as part of a travelling circus that went from town to town spreading enjoyment to all the young children and their families. John was raised well-mannered, and honorable. He would often be seen handing fry floss to orphans and homeless people free of charge. Then something changed. The Circus was losing customers. Families no longer wished to take their children to see John's Father be mangled by the lion, and no one was interested in his mother's beard. This upset John immensely. One day over his dinner of bread and cheese he turned to his mother and sd “ Dearest Mother, tomorrow I shall go to the city, to see why the people no longer wish to come to the circus.” His mother looked grimly at him and forbid him to ever go near the city, “Wicked and terrible things live there.” She told him. That night John packed his bag with a few mementos and supplies and after sneaking quietly past his snoring mother who was passed out at the table, he ducked out of the tent and headed off to the city. Within 5 minutes, John had himself a steady job as a Hotdog vender, a car and a nice flat overlooking the town. But John didn’t mind the view for it reminded him of when the circus packed up to move on. Now you may find it strange that James at the age of 5 had his drivers' license, but stranger things were afoot. While stopping to fill up gas one day he noticed the price had gone up. This displeased him greatly, and after researching what was going on, he walked from the gas station all the way to the Arabian desert to kick the Arabian Prime Minister in the nuts. Were it not for the countless eye witnesses and television crews covering the story, many would not believe it to be true, but then a mere 5 days later John arrived back at the gas station carrying behind him a cargo contner filled with crude oil that he had received by the Arabians in hopes that he would not impregnate all their females. By the Age of 20, John's life turned into this dramatic decline also included rehab with Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Richie, and twice with Charlie Sheen, he also was seen at a One Direction's concert and was known to yell out "1D suck my D!". It is also claimed that he was the one that gave Britney Spears a black eye and sd "bitch you deserved it!".